What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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