she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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