I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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