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Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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