Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
