Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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