as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize