I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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