I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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