dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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