just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
