The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
