ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
