so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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