**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
