i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
