also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
