He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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