I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
