Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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