he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
4 words: hood of his car
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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