Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
