Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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