Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
