If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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