oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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