it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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