hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
