I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
