Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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