Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
