I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
