i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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