Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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