Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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