There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
