There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
