Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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