May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
