Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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