On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
