Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
porn star boner night. come get it.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
