Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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