Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
