he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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