mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
