do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
