hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
