I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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