its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
