You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
