yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
