That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
