I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
