we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
