We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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