I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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