i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
