he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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