my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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