so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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