Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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